It's been longer than usual since my last post. I was contemplating attributing the delay to a busy work/interviewing schedule...or social goings on that were distracting me from writing.
Truth is I haven't felt the need to write. I created the blog to help me through the tough times - a space that I could offload to, anonymously, and without judgement or embarrassment. An illuminated screen I could admit my secret (and quite obvious) drinking problems to without the need to justify, explain or apologise.
Since returning from Mexico at the end of February I've ticked off some pretty big life moments. One of my best friends got married - which was lovely albeit hugely stressful. I met her at university so the day doubled up as a reunion of eight of my funniest and booziest friends. Although one of them took a serious dislike to my sobriety and decided to hound me about it for the whole day. I'm not kidding - 2.00 p.m. until 1.00 a.m.
It was fine, and I think other people were getting more annoyed than me having to put up with the repetitive statements and belittling throw-aways. Yes it did my head in, but I feel like I've been sober for long enough now to simply block out the dross. Not that I experience it often, and actually this guy was the first to take issue with me being sober, but I genuinely couldn't have been less bothered about his opinion.
It didn't come as a big surprise though. He's the wind up of the group and has been spectacularly annoying for years, so I anticipated my sobriety fuelling the majority of his acid-tongued jibes.
The wedding was on March 2nd, and the following day I turned 32. So I've had a birthday since my last post which was blissfully different and lovely. Last year Rob organised an overnight stay at a luxury spa and I remember travelling to the hotel hungover and full of headache. When we arrived in the afternoon he proudly revealed he had booked me a facial before dinner - I love facials - but instead of being excited I actually thought 'shit, I reek of booze and need to try and get rid of the smell.'
After the beautician worked her magic she commented on my skin being dry and puffy - an obvious side effect from too much drinking. I playfully combated her feedback with 'it's my birthday and it's been a heavy few days, lol!' No, Em, your skin was shit because you had a drinking problem. Honestly, it was so shit. Spotty, blotchy and swollen. The lady doing my facial was being beyond polite with just 'dry' and 'puffy'.
So this year I enjoyed a very civilised lunch with my husband, mum, brother and nieces, something I would never have agreed to as a drinker. 'An afternoon shindig with kids.?!...For my birthday? Boring and not boozy enough!' would have been my typical response. It was amazing though, and after my brother left to take the girls home my mum, Rob and I went to the bar to carry on the conversation.
She actually asked about my booze-free birthday (as I've never enjoyed one sober) which was nice. I shared some insight into my life without drink and people seemed to be listening. My mum even congratulated me and said she thought I was amazing which again...nice. The only comments I'd previously received from her were ones of judgement and surprise. 'Oh, you were drinking that much. Oh dear, that's no good Em.'
And it's true! When you drink - no judgement at all. But when you quit...oh boy. Prepare to be labelled an alcoholic and called all sorts of things. When you get rid of your drinking problem you immediately appear to 'have one' for some reason. It's crazy!
I've checked my Nomo app today and I'm 249 days sober. Over eight months in and really feeling like this is...me. This is the life I should have been living a long, long time ago. Yes there's been a couple of annoying moments over the past few weeks but I genuinely feel like something has clicked.
I'd love to be someone who bashes out beautifully inspiring insight and posts that go viral every other day but I'm just not like that. I do feel like I've neglected the blog a little as of late, but it's not here to add pressure or nag my day-to-day existence. Getting through life is hard enough without feeling like 'shit, I need to write something funny or my followers will begin to hate and leave me!'
What I'm trying to say is that today is the day where I want to talk and recap on hitting the eight month sober mark - which I am beyond BEYOND proud of as is my husband. Rob completed Dry Jan with ease, so much so he extended it to Dry Feb and had his first drink of 2019 at my friends wedding on March 2nd.
I've never asked him to cut down or not drink in front of me. There was a time during the early stages, I think around the three month mark, where I was contemplating asking him to move the beers from the indoor fridge to the outside one due to my excessive gawping at them.
I never had to as they just didn't bother me after a while, but actually now I've stopped to think about it he has really cut down. He told me the other day that he no longer says 'Em isn't drinking at the moment'. He now says 'Em doesn't drink'. It was so funny watching him tell me - he seemed really proud and I think finds the whole thing very novel! There are so many reasons why I feel lucky to have Rob, but his whole-hearted support of me quitting booze will mean more to me than he will ever know.
So despite the job hunt still persisting I'm feeling OK and more 'with it' since my last post. Some days can be riddled with stress and others are just a breeze. There are so many 'black cloud' moments in sobriety and you've just got to dig your heels in and wait for the buggers to pass. Trust me, I never thought I'd hit three months sober, let alone eight, yet here we are :) More challenges to come I'm sure but for now...eight feels absolutely sodding great.
