A song for my sobriety.

I've been battling a headache for the past three days now and I finally woke up this morning with a clear-ish head. Yet as I approach day 60 of sobriety I'm actually feeling worse than ever. Since day 50 I've been plagued with headaches and I swear I've woken up on a few occasions feeling hungover. Why is that?

My mood hasn't been great as of late but something cheered me up this morning and I feel compelled to share it with you.

I was driving to work stuck in traffic on the M4 and a song came on the radio which really spoke to me. I'm not sure why, but I started listening to this song from the first word (usually I just drive in autopilot and can't recall anything played on Radio 1 for the whole journey) and the lyrics couldn't have been more appropriate for my mood, and how I desperately want to be set free from my dependence on alcohol.

The song is called Send Them Off by Bastille, and here are the words:

I've got demons running round in my head
And they feed on insecurities I have
Won't you lay your healing hands on my chest?
Let your ritual clean

Soak the ropes with your holy water
Tie me down as you read out the words

Set me free from my jealousy
Won't you exorcise my mind?
Won't you exorcise my mind?
I want to be free as I'll ever be
Exorcise my mind
Help me exorcise my mind

Desdemona, won't you liberate me?
When I'm haunted by your ancient history
Close these green eyes and watch over as I sleep
Through my darkest of dreams

Be the power to compel me
Hold me closer than anyone before

Set me free from my jealousy
Won't you exorcise my mind?
Won't you exorcise my mind?
I want to be free as I'll ever be
Exorcise my mind
Help me exorcise my mind

I should be thinking 'bout nothing else when I'm with you ooh
With you ooh, oh oh oh
I should be thinking 'bout nothing else when I'm with you ooh
With you ooh, oh oh oh

Your mind exists somewhere altogether different
It lives in a world where feelings simply cannot be defined by words

Oh set me free from my jealousy
Won't you exorcise my mind?
Won't you exorcise my mind?
I want to be free as I'll ever be
Exorcise my mind
Help me exorcise my mind
Help me exorcise my mind
Won't you exorcise my mind?

Aside from being an absolute banger I couldn't help but relate to the words, as if I'm singing to be released from my drink demons and desperately trying remain focussed on sobriety. And it's true. As a sober person I should be thinking about nothing else except being new and shiny and sober but it's not that easy, and my thoughts keep bringing me back to just one drink or a little beer wont hurt, drink it!

Towards the end of the song I end up getting a little teary. I have no idea why but it's not the first time I've randomly burst into tears since becoming sober (and I've always been a crier in truth). I once balled my eyes out to an old Bodyform advert which showed women off rock climbing and being all active and inspirational. I was on my period at the time and the big woah Bodyform scream set me right off.

So I attribute the wobbly chin to feeling a little overwhelmed (in a good way), and also decide the lead singer of Bastille secretly loves me and has released a song in my honour. 

As I pull into the office the next song to play is Hysteria by Muse, so now I'm half expecting Greg James to announce today's playlist is dedicated to early sobriety! Pop on Wait and Bleed by Slipknot Greggy then you'll really be onto something.