I'd like to talk about an announcement I made around the two month sober mark. I was having a conversation with someone and they were quizzing me on my sober 'spell' as they 'cutely' called it.
The chat was completely unbearable and I could tell the person asking me questions about my sobriety wasn't interested in anything I had to say. They'd perfected the whole head tilt, pity smile and slow nod combo to a tee. To be honest I hated discussing my sobriety anyway (in the baby steps days) and still continue to drift away from conversations that either single me out as a non-drinker or are being steered by total dimwits.
So back to the discussion with said twit - it needed an escape hatch, pronto. After a few squirmy minutes of uncomfortable question answering I boldly announced that I was only staying sober for 100 days then would be wholeheartedly back on the booze. Just to shut down the incessant chat centring on the supposed 'dullness of life' sans booze. "Oh my God, Em. How do you do it? I mean, YOU? You love a drink! I'm so excited for day 100. Let's get a celebratory drink booked in when you're normal again!' Chortle, snarf, scoff. BORE OFF.
The chat was completely unbearable and I could tell the person asking me questions about my sobriety wasn't interested in anything I had to say. They'd perfected the whole head tilt, pity smile and slow nod combo to a tee. To be honest I hated discussing my sobriety anyway (in the baby steps days) and still continue to drift away from conversations that either single me out as a non-drinker or are being steered by total dimwits.
So back to the discussion with said twit - it needed an escape hatch, pronto. After a few squirmy minutes of uncomfortable question answering I boldly announced that I was only staying sober for 100 days then would be wholeheartedly back on the booze. Just to shut down the incessant chat centring on the supposed 'dullness of life' sans booze. "Oh my God, Em. How do you do it? I mean, YOU? You love a drink! I'm so excited for day 100. Let's get a celebratory drink booked in when you're normal again!' Chortle, snarf, scoff. BORE OFF.
I quickly made my excuses and scurried off to the toilet where I had time to breathe and sit alone for a brief while (which is now kind of turning into a habit in pressured social situations. I'm starting to grow fond of my solitary bog breathers).
I felt overwhelmed on this particular day and started to get a bit panicky about my sobriety causing me problems (making me feel like an outcast, a fraud etc.), so I decided that a 100 day pact was actually pretty sensible. I knew, deep down, that my non-drinking wasn't a trial - or an experiment - or a fad diet. I absolutely knew it was a change of lifestyle and I couldn't let myself fail again. But at day 60, setting a 100 day limit seemed to help with the panic somewhat. It provided me with a post to set my sights on and I realised this is something I actually do in day-to-day life anyway.
AND <~ (big and), it made people relax. I saw a notable change in their attitudes when I packaged my non drinking up as a 'limited period of time-thing'. Permanent sobriety terrified them, but a 'stint' was much more manageable. Kind of like a 'phew we can still be friends with her' reaction.
But markers, Markers are peppered throughout my life and I've only just really realised. Like when I'm running, I'll look ahead to the distance and focus on something. It could be a road sign, petrol station, parked car - anything in the distance that'll make me go, 'right, reach this point, Em, and then continue to the next goal.' I'm sure there are others that use the same technique, but I find it's a brilliant way to pass the time and push your distance further.
So in the same way I'm setting myself sobriety markers, as I did with 100 days, but markers which I know will be surpassed, yet the people I'm telling them to won't.
Now I've reached four months sober I've immediately set my next milestone - six months - and feel seriously pumped about hitting it. I know the questions are going to fire thick and fast in the lead up to Christmas, but I'll simply say I'm gunning for six months sober and festive drinks can't be a part of that plan. When people start to realise (and get used to) my sobriety being a thing of permanence I'm hoping they'll become bored of asking.
And I guess it sounds like I'm kind of ashamed and reluctant to admit my sobriety, which couldn't be further from the truth. It's just that I'd like to get a few more months of being alcohol free under my belt before I start telling people I'm a non-drinker. I don't know why, but it just feels the right thing to do. I'm now learning to be more gentle with my mind and body after years of abuse through booze...so following my intuition is something I will absolutely be doing.
If I had to summarise my sobriety in three words I'd say... exhausting, turbulent and affirming. In a nutshell: I am knackered from discussing my non-drinking with blockheads (and yes I used to be one), the road has been rocky and on occasion dangerous, but the journey as a whole has affirmed my genuine commitment to wanting to get clean and poison-free.
I'm so proud to reach four months sober and I'm already looking forward to seeing in the New Year with my six month chip.
I felt overwhelmed on this particular day and started to get a bit panicky about my sobriety causing me problems (making me feel like an outcast, a fraud etc.), so I decided that a 100 day pact was actually pretty sensible. I knew, deep down, that my non-drinking wasn't a trial - or an experiment - or a fad diet. I absolutely knew it was a change of lifestyle and I couldn't let myself fail again. But at day 60, setting a 100 day limit seemed to help with the panic somewhat. It provided me with a post to set my sights on and I realised this is something I actually do in day-to-day life anyway.
AND <~ (big and), it made people relax. I saw a notable change in their attitudes when I packaged my non drinking up as a 'limited period of time-thing'. Permanent sobriety terrified them, but a 'stint' was much more manageable. Kind of like a 'phew we can still be friends with her' reaction.
But markers, Markers are peppered throughout my life and I've only just really realised. Like when I'm running, I'll look ahead to the distance and focus on something. It could be a road sign, petrol station, parked car - anything in the distance that'll make me go, 'right, reach this point, Em, and then continue to the next goal.' I'm sure there are others that use the same technique, but I find it's a brilliant way to pass the time and push your distance further.
So in the same way I'm setting myself sobriety markers, as I did with 100 days, but markers which I know will be surpassed, yet the people I'm telling them to won't.
Now I've reached four months sober I've immediately set my next milestone - six months - and feel seriously pumped about hitting it. I know the questions are going to fire thick and fast in the lead up to Christmas, but I'll simply say I'm gunning for six months sober and festive drinks can't be a part of that plan. When people start to realise (and get used to) my sobriety being a thing of permanence I'm hoping they'll become bored of asking.
And I guess it sounds like I'm kind of ashamed and reluctant to admit my sobriety, which couldn't be further from the truth. It's just that I'd like to get a few more months of being alcohol free under my belt before I start telling people I'm a non-drinker. I don't know why, but it just feels the right thing to do. I'm now learning to be more gentle with my mind and body after years of abuse through booze...so following my intuition is something I will absolutely be doing.
If I had to summarise my sobriety in three words I'd say... exhausting, turbulent and affirming. In a nutshell: I am knackered from discussing my non-drinking with blockheads (and yes I used to be one), the road has been rocky and on occasion dangerous, but the journey as a whole has affirmed my genuine commitment to wanting to get clean and poison-free.
I'm so proud to reach four months sober and I'm already looking forward to seeing in the New Year with my six month chip.
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